I punched the Shodai Hokage Huh
by screwtherulesihavegreenhair
Summary: Hell no. HELL NO! did I mention hell? How 'bout no? I said I wanted to go back. But NOT this far. But anyway, hi, my name is Haruno Sakura, and I broke the Shodai Hokage's nose. Is there a punishment for that? [SakuraxMadara]
1. Chapter 1

I was bleeding, dying, and infinitely pissed. ' _yep, not one of my best days_ ' An army of zetsus surrounded me. The fourth shinobi war was still going strong, taking countless lives and loved ones. ' _Ino-pig, Shikamaru, Kiba, Tenten, Neji, Temari, Sai…_ _Naruto.'_ I thought about all the lives that had been lost. And I was about to be added to the list.

I had a cut on the left side of my neck, as well as other various bruises and slashes. But the major issue was probably the gaping hole in my stomach.

I didn't have enough chakra to heal any of it. Long story short, I was dying. ' _I'm sorry, Naruto. I couldn't do anything, in the end._ ' Tears formed, but I refused to let them fall. I gathered the remaining chakra I had to my right fist. If I was going to die, I was going out with a bang.

Without a second thought, I slammed my strengthened appendage into the ground, creating a massive crater. I stood in the middle of the carnage, admiring my handiwork. Nearly all of the zetsu's were buried, limbs facing odd directions, faces pinned with a gleeful expression, even in death.

I caught a blur of movement in the corner of my vision. I whirled around, only to be met with a fist, straight through my chest. Cold, ebony black eyes stared at me emotionlessly. There was no pity, no remorse, not even an inkling of sadness reflected in them. The sound of a thousand chirping birds thundered in my ears.

"You are weak, Sakura." I froze. ' _was I really weak, Sasuke?_ ' An idea suddenly hit me. ' _No. If he's taking my life, then I'm taking just as much of his!_ ' I formed a chakra scalpel, carefully choosing my next course of action. I smirked.

"Says the blind man." Sasuke's eyes widened, he started to back away. ' _too slow_ ' I made a slashing motion across his face, forcing destructive chakra into his optical nerves, permanently frying them.

It was done. Sasuke would never see again. He couldn't kill anyone else with those wretched eyes. He screamed in pain, roughly pulling his arm out of my bloody wound. I fell to the ground, arms limp at my side. I gazed up at the cloudy sky.

' _I'm gonna be hokage, 'ttebane!'_ Naruto's mantra echoed over and over in my head. The first drop came, then the next, and the next. Rain fell along with my tears. Streaking down my blood spattered face like silver pearls. My forehead was bare, having lost my headband in the fight.

' _Kami, please, I want to go back. Before the war, even before I was born. I don't want to relive this pain again.'_ And just like that, I died.

* * *

Something was poking me. Repeatedly. It was annoying.

"Oi, kid, you alive?" My hand twitched, waves of pain shook my body. ' _wait...pain? Am I...Alive?!_ ' I cracked an eyelid open. A textbook picture stared back. ' _nope, hallucinating. If I close my eyes, it'll go away_ ' I closed my eyes, Willing the face to disappear.

CRACK! "Baka! Don't poke him with a stick!" I snuck a glance again. What I saw was nothing short of a miracle. The Shodai Hokage was arguing with evil incarnate. I sweatdropped. What. The. Fuck.

"How was I supposed to know he was alive? Huh?! He literally FELL FROM THE SKY INTO THE VILLAGE!" Hashirama Senju argued. "I don't know? How about _not_ poking the poor guy with a five foot stick!" the porcupine haired Madara Uchiha protested.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own naruto...Whyyyyyy!**

 _ **Recap:**_

 _Something was poking me. Repeatedly. It was annoying._

 _"Oi, kid, you alive?" My hand twitched, waves of pain shook my body. 'wait...pain? Am I...Alive?!' I cracked an eyelid open. A textbook picture stared back. 'nope, hallucinating. If I close my eyes, it'll go away' I closed my eyes, Willing the face to disappear._

 _CRACK! "Baka! Don't poke him with a stick!" I snuck a glance again. What I saw was nothing short of a miracle. The Shodai Hokage was arguing with evil incarnate. I sweatdropped. What. The. Fuck._

 _"How was I supposed to know he was alive? Huh?! He literally FELL FROM THE SKY INTO THE VILLAGE!" Hashirama Senju argued. "I don't know? How about not poking the poor guy with a five foot stick!" the porcupine haired Madara Uchiha protested._

* * *

"Hey, I think he's up!"

Suddenly, two pairs of eyes were trained on me. I sat up 'If I address them by their names, they'll know something's up, soooo...' "Ano, who are you?" I scratched the back of my neck nervously. "And where am I?" I looked around at my surroundings. The sound of construction filled the air. Half-finished buildings scattered across the streets.I sniffed the air, the sweet scent of pine trees floating in the air. 'this is-'

"Oi, Don't get near him! He could be a threat to the village!" I turned back to the idiot-I mean Hokage, with a stick. He held a hand out towards me. I hesitantly took it, and hefted myself to my feet. And then fell again. Ow. I had forgotten that I was mortally wounded. Huh, imagine that. I took inventory of my wounds to miraculously find that I had none. There wasn't even a tear in my clothes. In fact, they looked like they had been washed.

He poked me with the stick again. I could feel my patience meter fall down to below zero. Without even thinking, Hashirama senju now had a broken nose. 'huh, I wonder what the monument would look like modeled after that?' I thought before losing consciousness.

* * *

Hashirama was being stupid again. I sighed and did a face palm when he started to brag about the beauty of his wife for the sixth time that day. But as much as I hated to admit it, he was an amazing Hokage. Only one month into his reign, and he had already convinced the Nara, Hyuuga, and Yamanaka's to immigrate to the village.

A third of Konoha was still in construction, but Hashirama helped all he could in his spare time with his wood release, making a good impression on the merchants and civilians. All in all, Life in Konoha was good, but unfortunately for me-

"MADARA!" I didn't even flinch when the bipolar Hokage yelled directly into my ear. My voice grew icy.

"What." Hashirama hid behind a random civilian, in hopes of escaping my wrath. I grabbed him by the back of his armor and promptly apologised to the merchant. I started to drag him back to the newly constructed kage tower, kicking and screaming. His break from paperwork had come to an end. Suddenly, a tremor shook the ground, an enormous cloud of dust rising from the village square.

I glanced at Hashirama, his face now serious. He nodded, and we were off to the center of the village.

A giant crater about twelve feet wide and five feet deep cracked the ground. Panicking citizens ran from the site, fearing an attack.

I could barely make out a blob of pink through the dust cloud. We neared the center of the crater. 'a body?' The smoke cleared. A boy around their age was lying on his side, looking completely unharmed. Short, bubblegum pink hair, and a purple diamond on his forehead.

Hashirama poked him with a stick. 'uugh, idiot' I smacked him on the back of his head, annoyed.

"Baka! Don't poke him with a stick!" Honestly, was he really the Hokage? I wonder sometimes.

"How was I supposed to know he was alive? Huh?! He literally FELL FROM THE SKY INTO THE VILLAGE!" Speaking of which, how was said man unhurt? Hell, even his clothes were clean.

"Hey, I think he's up!" my eyes snapped back to the problem at hand. Bright green eyes watched our little scene with amusement. Hashirama, much to my protests, walked over to the guy, holding out his stickless hand for him to take. With much hesitation, the man took it. After being hefted to his feet, the guy promptly fell again. He twitched in pain.

Hashirama poked him with the stick again, looking genuinely curious. I could practically see the anger wash over the mysterious man.

If he had blinked, he would have missed it. One second, he was on the ground, another, the Hokage of Konoha had a broken nose. The rosette glanced at the hokage monument, then back to Hashirama. He whispered "Heh, funny" Before falling unconscious.


	3. Chapter 3

**I got a review today that just said: please update soon. so in 's honor, I shall. I'm glad you like the story! I didn't have much time to think about this or edit, so it'll be short and hopefully sweet. Kthx bye!**

 **I do not own naruto...Whaaaaaaahaaaa(crying)**

* * *

 _Bodies littered the battlefield. The ground stained crimson red. I kneeled next to my dead master, silently crying in agony. No amount of healing could bring her back. Not even the legendary sannin, Tsunade. I could sense the zetsu closing in on me. I didn't care. It was just me now. I was the last of my platoon._

 _I stood up, and wiped my tears with a blood soaked hand. In fact, I was soaked. With blood. With pain. With anger. I gently took off my shishou's green coat, and stored it into a scroll, stuffing it into my weapon's pouch._

 _Yesterday had been my twenty - second birthday. The platoon I was in charge of had thrown me a surprise party. There was no cake. But I had enjoyed it. There was a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and was met with a kiss. The girls in my platoon squealed, covering their eyes. My blonde boyfriend of two years knelt to one knee. 'Marry me, Sakura.' I could barely register myself crying as I threw myself into Naruto's arms, deftly nodding a yes into his shirt._

 _Looking down at my bloodied hands, I gazed sadly at my engagement ring. It was simple. Just a ring. No diamonds or rubies, just a plain, silver band. The day after the party, we were called out to the front lines as backup to the alliance's strongest fighter, Tsunade. I awoke the next morning to find my platoon gone and a note. Oh, that dreaded note. 'Thank you, Sakura.' My heart filled with fear. I dressed quickly, jumping from tree to tree towards the sound of battle. When I arrived, it was already over. I walked over to my most important person, cradling his head in my arms, running my fingers through his sunny hair._

 _I don't know how long I sat there, just crying and holding my fiance's corpse._

* * *

They had convinced Yamanaka Kyo to go through the 'boy's' memories. After he had finished, there were tears in his eyes. He looked at the girl with something akin to respect in his gaze.

"Her name is Haruno, Sakura. 22 years of age." Hashirama stiffened. He shared a disbelieving look with me.

"How can h-she be a girl? And 22! She's so...tiny, she's only two years younger than you, Madara!" he stuttered. My eyebrow twitched slightly. I had noticed her gender a while ago.

"What else can you tell us about her?" I asked. Kyo wiped his eyes, anger evident within them.

"She blocked me before I could see anything else, but I will show you what I saw. I'm telling you now, it's not pretty." He placed his right hand on my head and his left on Hashirama's. Immediately, We were transported to the girl's mind. It was a celebration. I glanced around my surroundings. We were in a large green tent, the occupants were singing 'happy birthday' to the pinkette when a blonde haired, blue eyed man snuck into the scene. A girl started to say "Narut-" when a man with auburn hair put a hand over her mouth, whispering harshly, "Baka! You almost ruined Naruto's surprise entrance!" the girl muttered an apology.

'Naruto' comically tip-toed behind sakura and tapped her on the shoulder. She whirled around, surprised. But as she turned around, the blonde captured her in a kiss. He fell to one knee, pulling out a simple silver ring from his orange coat pocket. Smiling brightly, he asked, "Marry me, Sakura." The girl latched onto his coat and nodded a yes against it. Everyone cheered loudly. Shouts of "Finally!" and " 'Bout time!" were heard. I looked over to see hashirama smiling softly at the scene.

"Ahem." Everyone looked towards the head of the tent. A man in a green flak jacket with a senbon hanging out of his mouth cleared his throat. "I have direct orders from Lady Tsunade." Everyone stiffened as the man handed sakura a scroll. As she opened it, her eyes widened.

"Listen up! Our platoon has orders to report to the front lines to assist Lady Tsunade first thing tomorrow!" They all stood to attention and saluted to her.

"Hai, Taichou!" I raised a brow, she was a captain of a whole platoon?

"I want you all to get some sleep, we leave at dawn. Dissmissed." Her subordinates bowed and exited the tent.

The scene changed to sakura reading a note. Then reading it again, as if not believing it. We walked over to behind her to get a better look. it read, 'Thank you, Sakura.' She bolted from the sleeping tent, and we sped after her. ' _she's fast_ ' Sakura was but a pink blur as she ran, jumping from branch to branch effortlessly.

Nothing could have prepared us for what we saw next.

My breath hitched and I could hear hashirama choke. Thousands of bodies littered the ground. some impaled, some decapitated, some were spread out, limbs scattered around. I could see the girl who was in sakura's platoon, the auburn haired man. Both dead. eyes staring, and mouths opened in a silent scream. I growled. ' _Who could do this!? Who?!_ ' I looked over at my friend, who had an expession of unspeakable anger and horror.

Sakura shakily wobbled over to a blonde haired woman. And fell to her knees at her side, muttering, "Tsunade Shishou." Tears were silently trailing down her face as she closed her master's eyes, resting the dead woman's limbs over her body, making her look as if she were asleep. Sakura tried to stand up, but failed, and fell in a pool of blood, soaking her in the crimson liquid.

She stood up succesfully and wiped the tears from her eyes with a bloody hand. Gently tugging her master's forest green jacket from the woman's corpse, the kanji, 'Gambling' printed on the back, sakura sealed the coat into a scroll and stored it away. She held up her hand, wiping off her silver ring. Eyes widening in realization, she yelled, "Naruto!" and ran off through the bloodbath, searching through the bodies. We solemnly followed her frantic path.

She slowly approached an unmoving body. Sunny locks and blue eyes staring at the sky. Sakura's fiance was dead. Once again, she fell to her knees, cradling his head and rocking back and forth, reapeating his name like a mantra.

Sakura suddenly looked up, seemingly furious. And stared straight at Kyo. Her bangs shadowed her face as she pointed a finger at us and said menacingly, "GET OUT!"


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Naruto...unfortunately**

* * *

Sakura knew. She knew someone had invaded her mind. Her privacy. She barely managed to block the yamanaka from seeing anything that would give away the future. As far as they knew, she was just a seasoned war veteran who had just lost a loved one. She didn't like showing that memory, but it was necessary to gain their sympathy.

She made sure that they knew that they could never enter her mind again. To the outside eye, Sakura looked like she was in a deep sleep. Being put through Ibiki's torture and infiltration program had helped tremendously in that aspect.

But it didn't work for long.

"We know you're awake, you can stop pretending." Hesitantly, Sakura opened her eyes. She panicked, Sasuke's face flashed in front of her for a second. Sakura bolted out of the hospital bed, instinctively reaching for her absent weapons pouch.

"Calm down, Haruno-san." The senju hokage said, "You are safe now." Sakura let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, and sat down on the hospital bed, sighing in defeat.

"Are you satisfied?" She said, confusing the men in the room. "With my memories, I mean. Have you decided that I am not a threat?" Madara tensed as she flared her chakra. But quickly recovered.

"No, we have not yet decided that you are not a threat." Hashirama glared at him. "At least _I_ have not decided yet." He concluded.

"I apologize for the intrusion into your mind, but it was the only choice we had. We had to know if you were an enemy, seeing as you practically fell from the sky." Hashirama said, giving a quick bow of apology towards Sakura.

"That's just it, you _did_ fall from the sky, miss Haruno." Madara said, narrowing his eyes. "What is the explanation for this?" Sakura furrowed her brows in concentration. There was suddenly a sharp pain behind her eyes, and she winced, bringing a hand up to rub her forehead.

"I...Can't remember." She said, almost disbelievingly. The pain grew to infinite levels as she concentrated harder, "aah!" She clutched her aching head, hoping to null the pain. _focus on other things things I like: Puppies, kitties, rainbows, yellow, blue, Naruto…_ The pain went as suddenly as it came, replaced by sadness. Her vision fogged up as she realized three things:

She was alone, isolated in the past.

No one would know her here.

And even if she managed to get to her time, there was no one left to know.

She silently sobbed, forgetting entirely that she was in the presence of two shinobi legends.

* * *

Madara was shocked. Who did this to her? What did this? All three of them had seen the carnage of her war, but _who_ could be capable of such a thing? Thousands upon thousands had lain dead on that battlefield. He watched the kunoichi with concealed awe. Hashirama put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her in her sorrow.

Time seemed to slow down. She grabbed the hand and twisted it to the side, coming around his back and restraining him in an arm hold. Her hand gripped his wrist so hard that you could see her white knuckles tremble beneath the skin. Hashirama grunted as she completed her take-down, forcing his face meet the floor. Once again breaking his newly healed nose.

Three seconds, that's all it took. Sakura then fled down the hallway, leaving Hashirama dazed on the floor, mumbling obscene words that would have made his mother turn in her grave. _idiot…_ I thought as I left the room to follow the pinkette, only to find her in the room next door, performing a miracle.

* * *

I had meant to escape, to run, find something that would prove that, in fact, I was _not_ stuck in the past. But the sight before me had just thrown that possibility out the window. Amputation. _Amputation._ My time had long since abandoned such procedures. But here, these doctors-no, I refuse to call them as such. These _butchers,_ were about to saw off a poor man's leg.

My body moved on auto pilot, shoving away the protesting _doctors,_ I examined the wound. I winced. The cut was infected and oozing pus-tinted blood. "How long has this man been here?" I said, venom dripping from my words. A doctor stepped forward and shakily pushed up his glasses.

"About three days, bu-" "Three days! You people call yourselves _doctors_?! The wound was not even cleaned, you should be fired for malpractice!" I yelled, horrified at their lack of effort. The doctor clenched his jaw in annoyance. I ignored him, hands lighting with a familiar forest green effortlessly. I grimaced as I ran a diagnosis. "He's been poisoned." The doctors made an audible gasp, having not realized this. Any later and they might have actually had to amputate.

"I'm going to need two bowls, lots of hot water, and these herbs," I looked around the room, locating a pen and paper, and wrote down the plants I needed and how much. I handed it to one of the doctors, who was openly gaping at me.

"Do what the woman says," my eyes widened in shock. Madara leaned against the doorframe, a nonchalant look on his face. "Succeed, and I will no longer consider you a threat." his eyes narrowed, momentarily flashing red. "But should you fail..." My hands trembled slightly. I looked to the man in the hospital bed, solidifying my resolve. I nodded at him,

"I will not fail." I turned towards the patient. I breathed in, and out, forcing my nervousness to a corner of my mind. An Iryo-nin must be calm, a single slip up could mean death for a patient, or in this case, a leg.

"We have everything you asked for, miss!" Madara moved from his place in the doorway to make room for them to pass. I looked over what they had brought, making sure I would have extra of everything, just in case. I took the two large bowls of water, and placed them on a empty gurney to the left of the patient. After placing all needed tools in their place, I washed my hands in the sink.

"We will now begin the procedure, are you ready?" The doctors looked at Madara skeptically, who nodded at them. They mimicked me, washing their hands in the sink, and stood at the ready near the patient. "Hai!" They shouted.

I noticed the man's headband sitting on the bedside table, Konoha's emblem stamped proudly on its metal surface. This man was a shinobi. If he lost his leg, his career would be over with no chance of recovery. That's practically a death sentence to a ninja, nothing is worse.

I put my hand in one of the bowls of water, using my chakra to pull out a small sphere of the hot liquid. I paused, and looked up at their stunned faces, "Hold him down, although he is unconscious, the pain will be immense and I will not be able to heal him properly if he moves." I ordered.

One doctor, a short girl with long, purple-ish hair pulled up into a bun, gulped and nodded, holding down one of the man's arms. The other two doctors looked at each other and followed suit, restraining the wounded shinobi.

I continued with the surgery. I filled my free hand with chakra and held it on one side of the cut, and started to push the small sphere of water into the infected area. The man clenched his teeth in pain, a testament to his will, seeing as most men would be crying for their mothers at this point. He thrashed around, but was held firmly in place by my assistants.

I drew the water towards my free hand through an incision on his thigh. I repeated the process thirty-five times, the other bowl of hot water was filled to the brim with mucky poison. I rubbed the herbs into the injury to dull further pain. I could feel multiple eyes on me as I closed the wound completely, leaving only a thin scar of a reminder. I wiped my brow, feeling fatigue catch up with me. I had less than one fourth of my chakra left, which was impressive, as I had only a bit less than two fourths to start with. A hand clamped onto my shoulder, steadying my shaky legs,

"You did well, Haruno-san" Madara said in a deep voice, but I could barely hear him. My vision became fuzzy before I drifted into peaceful unconsciousness…


End file.
